Left is me a year ago. On the right you see me how I am now.
I’m Hannah and I’m an 18 year old girl from the Netherlands. and I’m going to ask for money. Now before you scroll past this, please hear me out.

Two years ago, after a rollercoaster of depression I fell into a destructive eating disorder. It took away my emotions, hobbies and life in general. I had to drop out of school and quit everything I loved to do. My hair fell out, my skin grew tiny hairs to keep me warm, I was pale and always cold. At my lowest point doctors gave me less than a week to live. They gave up. But I didn’t. I decided to fight this and prove medical professionals wrong. Because this is not how a life is supposed to end. I was not going to die. Forget it.
Now, a good 45 lbs heavier and a lot more alive, I have been declared healthy and I’ve decided that I am going to do what I have always dreamed of.

Ever since I was a young 11 year old girl I have dreamed of going to England.
August 2013 I was just discharged from the clinic and doing well at home, I decided to visit my friend in England. There it started off as a joke. We laughed about how amazing it would be if I would come to study in England, so I could start over with a clean slate. The plan died down a little the weeks after I flew back home. End of November I flew back for my friend’s birthday and the plan started living again. We were going to make this work one way or another. I will do A levels. Philosophy, English literature and history.

The thing is, I need money. We’re not a rich family and I need to pay to do IGCSE’s over the summer to get in and I need to find a foster family near St. Albans (if you can help me on this matter, please contact me) which isn’t easy nor cheap. And I need to pay for the education itself.
If you can help me to make my dream come true to live my own life again, I will love you forever.
So if you can miss even the slightest bit please donate it and help me to follow my dream. If you can’t help me with money, please spread the word in any possible way you can. It would help me so much.

Thank you for reading this. I hope you have an amazing day.

A message from Anonymous
Wishing you luck in the rest of your journey! It can only go up from here and soon enough everything will be so much easier. You have inspired me to try to do the same. (: don't forget to breath in the times you get stressed or feel like you've fallen back, just keep marching forward. You have two choices in this and you've chosen to push towards what you want congratulations on that and recovery. You're beautiful, inspiring and amazing! Thank you. Really

No, thank YOU for this wonderful message! It’s kind souls like you that keep me going :) and yess I must remember to breathe, especially since I’ve been stressed lately so thank you for reminding me! I wish you well on your journey too and I hope you continue to shine like the little gem that you are :) HUGS X

A message from Anonymous
So sad you're deleting :( Wish you well :D

I’m sort of sad about it too but I know it’s the best thing to do for my recovery, now is my time to move on! x

A message from Anonymous
why are you not supposed to be blogging? I will miss you!

I’m not ‘not supposed to be blogging’ I guess, I can still if I want to, it’s just that I promised myself to take a break from tumblr because I knew it would be the best thing to do for my health. I will miss you too! I will miss everyone :’(

I know I’m not ‘supposed’ to be blogging, and I am deleting soon, but I thought I would just make one last post seeing as I was flicking through my photos and saw the one on the left. The photo on the left was me at the very beginning of my recovery, I was scared and confused. Sure, I don’t look emaciated, but there’s no life behind my eyes, my smile is only half there and it looks like I could burst into tears at any minute. The photo on the right (my sidebar pic, hehe) was taken a few months ago, now 18 months into recovery (wooow I can’t believe it’s been that long!) I have so much more colour in my overall complexion and I seem to be glowing from the inside out - my smile is genuine and actually reaches my eyes. I look SO much better. The physical changes have been so gradual that I guess it’s hard to notice how much better I truly do look until I look at photos like this. This is me, 10 kg heavier, and no I did not suddenly become ‘fat’ or ‘disgusting’ like my eating disorder told me. Eating properly and gaining weight that my body obviously needed has given me LIFE.

A message from Anonymous
I'm finally trying to control my eating so I don't binge and purge as much but it's like there's this switch that goes on when I eat too much and then I have to purge even if it is just a "normal" meal. How do I cope with this or any tips to help?

Sorry it’s taken me a while to get to this! I don’t know if I’ll be very helpful with this because I’ve never struggled with purging before. But well done on taking that first step in trying to change your disordered behaviours! Make sure you have people around you that are willing to help and be there for you, including professional support. Also make sure that you have people there for you during and after all of your meals so they can help distract you and you won’t be as tempted to purge. Make a little box filled with distractions that you can go to straight after you’ve eaten a meal. You could fill it with your favourite book, photos, puzzles, nail polish so you can make your nails all pretty c: positive affirmations, a note pad and pens, colouring books etc. Either way you go about it, it’s not going to be easy. You just have to really WANT it, keep reminding yourself why you’re trying to get better, and the harder you try the sooner things will get a little easier :) x

Love a good smoothie bowl!
It was greek yogurt, frozen berries, banana and cinnamon blended up topped with oats, LSA, apricot, nectarine and natural peanut butter..utter deliciousness :)

Love a good smoothie bowl!

It was greek yogurt, frozen berries, banana and cinnamon blended up topped with oats, LSA, apricot, nectarine and natural peanut butter..utter deliciousness :)


You beautiful person. Thank you. 


A message from Anonymous

You don’t even wanna know, lol. Just trust me when I say that it is A LOT

I think I have eaten enough food today to last a week and tbh if this is what a hangover feels like then I don’t want to ever drink again.